Monday, February 27, 2006

The Top 11 Tennis Hotties

by Whitney

Welcome to a special post in light of the new year. We (FJDelgado and Whitney) have decided to collaborate to offer an accurate ranking of tennis females who grunt and split their way to masturbatory stardom. The criteria is composed of a variety of factors of beauty, body, brains, boobies, and tennis skill. Please sit back, grab a tissue, and enjoy the view.

#11. Karolina Sprem

We played anagrams with her name and came to the revelation that when you switch the "r" and the "e" you get the best name in tennis.

T#10. Jennifer Capriati and Amanda Coetzer
We grouped these 2 retired tennis stars because they are still boneable. JCap was the Drew Barrymore of tennis. She came out strong as as teenager and then snorted enough coke to kill a whole kindergarten class. But, all of a sudden she rose out of oblivion, stopped eating Ho-Hos and became the Comeback Kid. You would think JCap's burly arms would make us abstain in fright, but we, in fact, don't mind a girl who can spank...........the hell out of the tennis ball.

Amanda Coetzer
was known as the one of the best counterpunchers on the circuit. She was like a little dust buster bunny at a dimunitive 5 feet that would not give up. I give her where credit is due: her stamina.

#9. Daniela Hantuchova
She suffered the Anna Kournikova syndrome. She started winning, people thought she was hot, and then started losing. Despite the fact she needs a couple Big Macs in her, with a cute face, long legs, daddy puts you in the at #9.

Hmm..yes we also agree, Daniela, you are a hottie

#8. Tatiana Golovin This young woman (1988! SHIT!) brings a new meaning to the low rider. She does not fuck around when it comes to sagging her shorts.

Question of the Day: Where does the tennis ball go? Seriously.. ...imagine throwing a hot dog in a take the exact opposite.

#7. Ashley Harkleroad
Unfortunately American Ashley faded from the tennis scene. She is probably working at Panera bread as far as we know it. In her heyday, she was infamous for her extremely loud grunting and risque tennis-ware, pushing the bar as far as possible in terms of nudity. We give her #7 because we think that loud grunting has other applications off the court...

Damn Ashley you are a cutie. Now go make me a BLT sandwich. **Correction** she is still currently on the tour playing, so I overestimated the longevity of her career. I apologize for this mistake, but that doesn't mean you're off the hook with the BLT.

#6. Serena Williams
Much to most people's disgust we have placed a William sister on our hot list. After she got Punk'd, we immediately fell in love with her. She has something alluring with that sweet charming personality, which we believe mostly stems from those
gnimorous buttocks. She probably pays exorbitant property tax on that fine piece of real estate. You keep on fighting the good fight, Serena

I think som
eone gave JLo run for her money. Anyone who can play tennis with that type of padding in a catsuit deserves some kind of props. *Warning: Spanking that baby will apparently cause the next biggest earthquake.

Fernando will round up the top 5 in a later post. Sorry to give you guys blue balls. Stay tuned.

More blogs about hotties.


Anonymous said...

I think Amanda Coetzer should be higher on your list.

WK said...

perhaps but the combination of her being very old and not even playing on the tour pushes her down a little bit. we still gave that little bunny rabbit the loving she deserves

Anonymous said...

well i guess i meant 5 years ago or something like that. before i had ever heard of most of your other top 10...

tits and ass said...
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