A Litigious Proposal

by The Monitors

originally posted a couple months ago...

So I've been sick the past two days, and being sick, like any red-blooded American, I've been taking advantage of this rare opportunity to take over-the-counter pick-me-ups and slooow-me-downs to "relieve my symptoms." Sudafed LiquiCaps (non-drowsy), NyQuil, Robitussin lozenges, Halls Vapor Relief, Zinc lozenges, Tylenol, Advil, Trademark after motherfucking TM ... I am juiced. Needless to say my trip to Safeway a block away earlier today nearly ended in content resignation.

Anyway, this strangely altered state of mind has afforded me a comfortable glimpse into my meandering psyche, or "train of thought" or "stream of consciousness" depending on whether you are a rivertboat driver or train conductor, I guess.

My mind's usually pretty random anyway, often imagining something like the effects of a terrorist Jello bomb (cherry-flavored) in downtown DC during an August evening rush hour, or likewise.

Well this evening in communique via cellular handset with a friend I used to work with who became an intellectual property attorney (read: patent lawyer), "we" were coming up with ways to make money quickly and without any effort; you know, the welfare lottery approach. I used "we" in quotes because as a patent lawyer he need not worry about the usual trappings of modern capitalism and economics.

Speedily forgetting our conversation, I began to think of fun ways to annoy people, lots of people. Eventually I landed on concocting thousands of court-issued subpoenas to individuals I'd never met, being good for a laugh, because folk tend to react badly to unexpected litigious intervention.

Then it hit me. Chain letters. Rather than spending hours of my precious time typing up thousands of fake subpoenas, I would mail just 10 originals stating that "if you serve this court-ordered subpoena on 7 of your friends, the charges against you will be dropped." And to help things along, in each envelope I'll enclose handy postage-paid envelopes with letterhead saying "YOU GOT SERVED!"

Problem solved, AND I've now created a self-perpetuating process of limitless proportions! Not only have I pointlessly brought back the rightfully dead tradition of chain letters, but I've also fiendishly woven a sick modern satire into it! And the true beauty, from my personal perspective, is that I'm untraceable!

Genius.

Pearl Jam Request for MerzMan

dear brother Merz,

Pearl Jam kicked major ass on SNL this past Saturday Night. The show itself was pretty good (Andy Samberg and Bill Hader are funny as hell, and are the future of the show), and even the slutty and, as of recently, emaciated Lindsey Lohan was looking pretty damn cute.

That second song ("Severed Hand") was a badass rocker, and their new single ("World Wide Suicide") is #1 on the Billboard Modern Rock chart.

PJ seems to be back with a vengeance, and to celebrate, would you mind posting a few PJ tunes spanning their illustrious rock career? That would be pretty fucking sweet!

As I have mentioned, I would love to hear a couple off my fave album of theirs, Vs. (namely "Glorified G", "Rearviewmirror", and "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town"), and perhaps a few others - "Brain of J" and "Do the Evolution" off Yield, "Spin the Black Circle" and "Satan's Bed" from Vitalogy, "Breathe" and "State of Love and Trust", "Off He Goes" from No Code, etc., and so on, and so forth.

Thanks in advance, hope you keep rockin' the shit with Mars Needs Guitars and spreading the rock love!

luv,
F.J. the PJ Fan

my poker project

by Whitney

It seems rather popular among poker players to seek a goal, or a journey in hopes to come out better than your old self. I myself have decided to pursue a poker project in order to change the status quo. I am not doing something unrealistic like turning my shit into a million dollars or anything of that sort. My journey will deal with my main problem of never wanting to move up.

I enjoy beating up the chumpiest of the chumps at the low limit games. I like to see quick results and easy wins. A year ago I took a shot at 5/10 and got destroyed for over $700; this was when my usual game was 1/2. At the time, I was accustomed to losses being at most ~$100. This disastrous session inflicted deep psychological damage that didn't sit well with my risk-averse personality. Since then, I have always tried protect my bankroll, watching it grow slowly, but surely.

This mentality has left my skills stagnant, as I never took a shot at higher games, even with a suitable bankroll. A Penn kid from the poker club said you should move up as fast you can, which in my view is a risky move. I am not a strong proponent of going out on the deep end and drowning. And then learn why you drowned and fight yourself out of debt. I like to know I am a winner at a certain limit after playing a significant number of hands. When I'm confident enough at that level, I will make the move up. The problem is at this rate I'll want to play 10/20 when the poker boom will probably be dead or I'll be dead. With these profitable games and money for the taking, the time has called to stop being a pussy.

Phil Ivey started his poker career, working at McDonald's for minimum wage. After work, he would play cards with the money he had just made. Playing low limit stud, he raised every hand like a maniac. Subsequently, he would go broke, say 'bye' to everyone at the table and come back the next day to do it all over again. During this cycle, he began to learn how his opponents reacted to aggression. He of course harbored that aggression to become the ridiculous talent he is today. Not all was easy. Whenever he took a shot at $400-800, Henry Orenstein would regularly break him, forcing Ivey to move down and rebuild. At times, he was broke and couldn't pay for his utility bills. One night his electric company just shut everything off. Phil sat in the dark, thinking, "Wow I'm a bum."

Talk is cheap mother fucker!! SHIP IT!

Many of the top players have this similar journey. I am telling it because there's a common theme. These guys take huge risks, usually resulting in going broke, but then learning from the experience. This is a dangerous lifestyle to me and as a result, I will never be great because of my fear of gambling.

In order to get better I must be willing to take more risks. What is the best way? Well I never want to go broke and lose everything I've worked so hard to grind out (all those fucking hours at the 1/2 games). But I must change in order to step it up. I talked to a very knowledgeble kid who played with his whole bankroll, but disciplined himself. He played 4 tables of 2K Pot Limt Omaha in order to finance a summer trip. He had about 9k, and if his bankroll ever dipped at a certain limit he would move down. Through this management, he insured he would never go broke, but at times he would be forced to leave a a juicy game if the situation were to present itself.

My project will follow this stop loss management. Though, I won't be playing with my whole bankroll at 100/200, I will set aside $1200 and start from the 2/4 level with 300 bbs. When I get my bankoll gets to 300 bbs of the next level I will then move up. For example, if my bank gets to $1800, it is time for 3/6. Anytime a 100 bb downswing occurs, it is time to close up the asshole and move down. A 100 bb downswing is rather normal, but I have set this the limit of my "threshold of misery" as Mike Caro likes to call it.

So hopefully the journey will look like this:
$1200 at 2/4
$1800 at 3/6
$3000 at 5/10
$6,000 at 10/20

The plan is to get to 10/20. I don't know if I can ever handle swings at 15/30 and so on. One overarching flaw to my project is that I am setting aside a set amount and not my whole bankroll. This is good and bad. Good that I will not be under extreme duress of possibly losing everything have. Bad that I will also not be under extreme duress to dig deep and play on survival instinct. But in the end, this project will become great practice to psychologically separate myself from the value of money. This attitude will allow me to brush off the bad days and expedite my transitions between limits.

During this journey, I will be giving up money I would have won playing at my normal limit. That is the short-term opportunity cost. This trade off is worth it as a long-term investment. I may improve to beat the bigger games.

I will keep everyone up to date (if anyone gives a rat's ass) of my progress. If I find myself at the .o1/.02 level I will just pack my bags and quit for good. Wish me good luck.

Interviews

Frederick Keys are Money

I've been interviewing professional baseball players as part of my reporting gig with Orioles Hangout on the Frederick Keys, the Single A minor league affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles.

So far, I've witnessed the fourth no-hitter in team history, during which young gun Radhames Liz, a Dominican kid, struck out 13 of 15 batters he faced on 81 pitches, 12 swinging.

Sick.

I've also made sure to talk to stud prospect Nolan Reimold, since he might be getting promoted to AA Bowie sooner rather than later. I would be somehat surprised if Reimold isn't playing for the Orioles by late 2007, or in the Opening Day lineup as a starting OF by 2008. The kid hit two dingers yesterday.

Luke is also hot right now...

My good friend Luke Kim, who as of a couple months ago was a frequent visitor and poster to this site, apparently is enough of a big deal to pull an interview with an internet poker website (http://www.pokerworks.com).

It's sort of weird to see your friends get interviewed and read their opinions as if they are more important than usual. Way to go kid...

the "Luke Kim and F.J. Delgado Run Out of Gas Story" is on the way...

Update: A Good Cause

Link courtesy of Observer Dan K.

Julia Serber is a fellow Dukie from my class. She is currently in Med School at the University of Maryland. This upcoming summer, Julia will be biking and raising money in memory of her best friend, a Duke Women's varisty soccer player who passed away in 2002.

I'll be donating to this, and will try to spread the word about it as best I can.

Julia Serber's Team In Training Page

Sara LaBosky, a star on and off the soccer field (Los Altos Town Crier)

UPDATE: Observer Dan K and yours truly will each be donating $25 to Julia's cause, and we hope to give more as her bike ride approaches.

new songs I've been digging (part 2) - MP3s added

originally posted December 14th, 2005

I'm not gonna lie, let's start rocking out here. These songs kick major ass, and you need to listen to them now. Most of these songs are less than a year or two old, but we have one oldie but goodie from Australia for all to enjoy, mate!

new songs and singles I've been digging, PART 1 (from September 2005)



Foo Fighters - DOA (MP3)

Muse - Hysteria (MP3)



the Killers - Under the Gun

Weezer - Perfect Situation

My review of a Weezer show I attended in October 2005 at George Mason's Patriot Center in Fairfax, VA.


Franz Ferdinand - Darts of Pleasure (live from Austin City Limits Music Festival)

This tune is an awesome live rendition of a great Franz song. Highly recommended.

Green Day - She's a Rebel

Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies) (MP3)

Ryan Adams - Trains


Seafood - Heat Walks Against Me (thanks to merz from Mars Needs Guitars for this one)




AC/DC - Hard as a Rock (MP3)

It is painfully obvious that AC/DC just decided to predominantly write songs about their schlongs, since, in the spirit of Spinal Tap, they claim to have armadillos in their trousers.

"Hard as a Rock" is the song that fellow, younger Aussie band Jet blatantly rips off with their tune, "Cold Hard Bitch." I'm of the thinking that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (all rock and roll essentially is), so that's ok by me.

much more to come, including more MP3s

Ask Andrew W.K. ...

by The Monitors

I've been a fan of Andrew W.K. for a few years now, and one thing that's inspired me about him is his ability to boil life down to a few guitar solos, keyboard arpeggios, and party lyrics. So, I thought I'd put his divine insight to the test to answer some common, and not-so-common, questions that have plagued mankind since the dawn of human history.

Q: "Why is the sky blue?"
Awk: "Cos we're gonna have a FUN NIGHT! FUN NIGHT! FUN NIGHT! FUN NIGHT! Gonna get off! Gonna get off! Gonna get off! Gonna get off!"
[From "Fun Night" off of I Get Wet]



Q: "Where is the Adriatic Sea?"
Awk: "I can't explain it anymore / I'm not too young to know for sure. You get me, I get you, we get us."
[From "Really in Love" off of The Wolf]

Q: "Can you actually recharge non-rechargeable batteries or what?"
Awk: "You're not my mom and dad / And even they watch their backs; Cause they know what I hate; Any rules that I can't break."
[From "Your Rules" off of The Wolf]

Q: "How can I get from 19th & Q to the Target?"

Awk: "You won't know and we won't fucking go / We just keep on living. We always get what we want; We still get what we want 'cos we're never gonna stop (no we won't stop)."

[From "Fun Night" off of I Get Wet]

Q: "My sister Tesla is dating a guy who is 15 years older than him. Is this weird or should I stop being so protective?"
Awk: "The girl's too young / She don't need any better. It's all coming back / I can feel it. She is beautiful / She is beautiful / She is beautiful / She is beautiful. The girl is beautiful."
[From "She is Beautiful" off of I Get Wet]

Q: "Is pepperoni or sausage better on pizza?"
Awk: "This is why we are alive / We all live like we are going to die. We are here, We are high / And this is why we love to live our lives"
[From "Victory Strikes Again" off of The Wolf]

Q: "Would the benefits of narcotics legalization outweigh the detriment?"
Awk: "I Get Wet when the party is dying. I Get Wet without even trying. I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet / I Get Wet whenever you trying / I Get Wet when I know that you're dying / I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet I Get Wet."
[From "I Get Wet" off of I Get Wet]

Q: "What's your problem, jackass?"
Awk: "We do what we like and we like what we do. So let's get a party going (let's get a party going) / Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (party hard) / Let's get a party going (let's get a party going) / When it's time to party we will always party hard / Party hard (party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard...) ."
[From "Party Hard" off of I Get Wet]

The Monitors Post Archive

"This kid looks GOOD!!"
- local news anchorman Ron Burgundy on The Monitors' dashing good looks

"Are you talking about that drunk guy that was walking around Adam's Morgan last night with aviator sunglasses on? Um, yeah, I guess I would have sex with him..."
- random drunk, somewhat slutty DC girl answering a reporter's question regarding The Monitors

"Yes... absolutely. Sometimes I do worry that The Monitors will perish before the age of 27, but that's honestly the main reason I love going out of my way to hang out with the guy whenever he's touring a region or town near me!"
- anonymous friend

"I'm The Monitors... I'm the stylish one of the group..."
- The Monitors

"that Monitors guy is so HOT right now!"
- Jacobin Mugatu from Zoolander

a bad day for Caesar

ask Andrew W.K.

A Litigious Proposal

a crash course in indie music

a controversial post - a rumination on my access to porn

Kid You'll Move Mountains

Songs That Filled Me With Abject Rage

Well, that was a mindfuck: A story of a viewing of the film "Donnie Darko"

Dewey in repose

I Want to Own an Aviary - by Count Langenhoffen

UPDATE: Movies I'm Looking Forward To

by F.J. Delgado

originally posted September, 17 2005

Munich

This Steven Spielberg picture is based on the real-life terrorist killings of Israeli atheletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics. An unfortunately appropriately-themed film given current events, this project has already amassed massive buzz and hype as a Best Picture contender. Given the director, and a usually strong Eric Bana in the lead role (despite his involvement in atrocities such as The Hulk, he was the highlight in the unfairly panned Troy), hopefully this movie will not disappoint.

The Departed

This promising film boasts a sick cast and director. Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Jack Nicholson, and Martin Sheen are directed by Martin Scorsese in a story about an Irish gang member and a police cadet who respectively infiltrate the other side as moles. A remake of the Hong Kong original Infernal Affairs, which was fairly well-done, one can see why Scorsese might have been excited to re-interpret a movie that came out only a few years ago. Scorsese is responsible for some of my favorite films - Goodfellas, The Last Waltz, and Gangs of New York - and classics such as Raging Bull and Taxi Driver, among others.

DiCaprio, Damon, and Wahlberg have also appeared in some of my favorite movies; these guys are talented and, for the most part, they turn up in more good films than your average successful actor. The Departed is allegedly going to be violent and suspenseful, with Damon mentioning that a sequel would be hard to do given the bloodshed in it. This is one of those projects where it would be quite difficult to not at least entertain and feature high-quality filmmaking and production. This is a lot like when I first heard about a comedy starring Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson back in 2002 - I remember looking forward to Old School as comedic gold well before it was released theatrically. Different genres, but same principle at work.

Boondock II: All Saints Day

The sequel to Boondock Saints. One of my favorite movies, the original is simply badass. With several memorable scenes (the escape from the Russians post bar fight, taking out the Russian syndicate, the "firefight" sequence), a cool story, lots of violence and swearing, and a funny performace in his only on-screen role to date from David de la Rocco, it's a nice addition to the violent gangster genre that, while Saints is not in the same league, Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas tower over. Willem Dafoe is great as a high-strung FBI agent.

I get a kick out of the Irish Catholic vigilantes go on a morally paradoxical killing spree angle, given my own affinity for Catholicism. I'm also a fan of the fact both brothers have the Blessed Mother tattoed on their necks, but I might be the only person you'll ever hear say that. I hold Mary in the highest regard; the reasons for that I'll save for another post.

Either way, considering the original didn't get a full release because of the Columbine shootings AND the fact director Troy Duffy got blacklisted by Mirimax before it's release - it was only shown in 5 theaters across the country - it's impressive that the film was so enthusiastically received and was re-released on DVD solely on strong word-of-mouth. All for a film that basically went straight to video.

Duffy again is writing/directing the sequel, and, although there's no Dafoe, the two main characters are back, with the addition of what looks like a blonde Irish hottie. Sounds good to me!

Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny

The first time I watched a Tenacious D episode was several years ago during college, and I could tell right away that I was seeing something outrageous and funny. At the same time, knowing I have a quirky sense of humor, and knowing that the series was out of left field even for HBO, I didn't think it would catch on. I was sort of right, but mostly wrong on that. The Tenacious D series did in fact die out, but luckily Jack Black is as resourceful and stubborn as his band name suggests. Never ashamed to call themselves the greatest band in the world, the D managed to record an album. The first time I heard their ballad "Fuck Her Gently" was on the internet, I rejoiced inside for I knew JB and KG had overcome the odds and triumphed; the D was a force, and it was here to stay.

Ben Stiller and John C. Reilly show up in the Pick of Destiny, along with Tim Robbins. On a sidenote, I have a love/hate relationship with Robbins (about 90% hate). I have always liked him because he played Andy Dufresne, a well-acted role in my all-time favorite movie, The Shawshank Redemption. He's a good actor (despite his appearance in one of the worst movies ever: Mission to Mars), but I absolutely hate his political viewpoints on just about everything. I think he's a Communist ass, but at least he had a funny cameo in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, so hopefully he'll follow up with another one here. You also have to like the cheesy yet grandiose pun of a title. One of the few red flags associated with this movie is the unproven director attached to it, Liam Lynch. Either way, expect some funny songs, some wierd adventures, and some lofty claims from the D.

check out some Tenacious D videos, including "Fuck Her Gently", here

The Passion of the Clerks

Kevin Smith is a good writer-director, even though his work has been a little uneven and inconsistent over the years. Watching Clerks and Mallrats for the first time were memorable movie experiences. This sequel has a lot to live up to, as the first film came out of nowhere with virtually no budget to be an indie classic. Dante and Randal are classic characters despite obvious shortcomings in the script, most of the humor is scathing and crude (in the best way), and you can find some classic conversational dialogue between the novel characters. Jay and Silent Bob launched their recurring characters here, even though I'm still wondering why Jeff Anderson's career didn't pick up considering his performance as Randal was the funniest - he's been relegated to almost exclusively Smith projects. Maybe his style was perfectly suited for this type of movie only, or maybe he caught lightning in a bottle and was never a good comedic actor, who knows. Rosario Dawson just signed on to the project, and even though I'm not too big a fan of hers, she's still a hottie. Check out Kevin Smith's own website for the best updates on this flick.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Matt Damon will be back to reprise his role as Jason Bourne in the third of this series. The first two were quality espionage thrillers, and there's no reason to think this one will disappoint as long as the same people are involved. I've already mentioned that Damon is a favorite actor of mine (his turn as Will Hunting standing as my favorite character of his), and the Bourne series illustrates some of his range as an actor - it doesn't require too much in the area of thespianism to play Bourne, but he's still a good in a straightforward action role, and it's a departure from most of his more involving characters (excluding, of course, his wonderfully ridiculous cameo in Euro Trip).

Ed Moulton offers up his Major League Baseball preview

by F.J. Delgado

Ed is a long-time pal of mine from our college days. His blog, which features a somewhat "unique" writing style, is one of the funniest sites you could possibly read whilst bored off your ass at work, or chillin' at home looking to cheer yourself up.

He currently resides in Las Vegas, NV. Moulton is a smartass proposition gambler, and he makes no bones that one of his personal heroes and immediate influences is the legendary Amarillo Slim. The kid is definitely a hustler with an edge in the intelligence department, a resource I have fallen victim to on more than one occasion.

A good sense of humor and an ability to tolerate the frequent misspellings (as well as a LOT of foul language) are required, but there is a reason Mr. Moulton is considering writing for a living instead of going to graduate school. Also, be on the lookout for random comments and haikus courtesy of yours truly.

His 2006 Major League Baseball preview is stellar, and despite the fact some of the projected records - for example his "objective" prediction that the Atlanta Braves will finish 36-126, while his hometown Phillies will dominate the NL East to the tune of a perfect 162-0 record - might just be his caustic sense of humor shining through, the dude still knows his baseball.

Ed Moulton's Journal

Happy April Fool's Day

I was glad to hear that Duke is offering to play for the NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Championship - I like our chances.

George Mason Player Upsets Mother With Last-Second Long-Distance Call from Way Downtown

A.J. Pierzynski Predicts He Will Lead League in Offensiveness

The Rest Of The Request

Don't thank me for these tunes, thank my kind host FJ Delgado. I am a little late on posting them up but here they are...

Our Lady Of Peace
Spiritual Machines (2001)

In Repair (mp3)

Life (mp3)

Somewhere Out There/Bring Back the Sun (2003)

Somewhere Out There (mp3)


She Wants Revenge
S/T (2006)

Tear You Apart (mp3)

Frederick Keys roster is set

and it is right here.

I'm looking forward to meeting the ballplayers on the team, and our pitching staff looks quite solid.

Frederick won their league in 2005.

Leo Mazzone gets inked up

Baltimore Orioles pitching coach Leo Mazzone recently got a tattoo under the supervision of newly acquired Kevin Millar. Millar is rapidly turning into one of my favorite current Orioles, which is pretty sad considering there are a ton of guys on the team that have been with the organization for several years.

Read Kevin Millar's blog/musings here.

Fuck Muslim Terrorists

... right in the ear.

Terrorists suck balls

The penalty for all Muslim terrorists who kill Americans should be sodomy by a group of convicts, instead of the traditional death penalty. It would be nicer if the sodomy were publically televised, and repeated once a year on their birthday for the rest of their human lives. Then maybe they would think twice about waging war.
Moussaui says he was to hijack 5th plane, to get the death penalty would be an honorable death

Lacrosse players are pricks

also: a Duke and NCAA athletic controversy has been a big sports story recently, as the Duke Men's Lacrosse team has been accused of raping a black woman. Regardless of what may or may not have happened, this article, written by a Duke woman with a good perspective, sheds light on the situation.

In my not so humble opinion, the Duke lax team has buried not only Duke here, but also all lacrosse players. Almost every single lacrosse player I have ever met is a flaming asshole, and I have met hundreds upon hundreds since my high school days. This debacle does nothing to change my opinion.

NCAA officials are ignorant assholes, the NCAA and the Selection Committee are a bunch of stupid fuckheads...

... watching the end of the Washington/UConn game made me want to throw up. The NCAA is a disgrace to all of competitive sports.

How great of a manlover is Jim Calhoun? He must be pretty good in bed to get all those calls from the Zebras...
UPDATE: Congratulations to George Mason for knocking off one of the dirtiest programs and coaches in Division I basketball, the UConnvicts and Jim Calhoun... thank you, God!

the biggest upset in NCAA Tournament History (stellar ESPN column)

also: thanks to my Duke brother Brando for sending me this hilarious link to a flash clip that makes fun of Coach K and his ubiquitous presence on television commercials: check it out here

The Colbert Report: Stephen Colbert makes fun of the minor league baseball team I will be covering...

by F.J. Delgado

Stephen Colbert is one of my favorite personalities on Comedy Central, quality cable programming that has brought us such great works of comedic art such as Chappelle's Show and The Daily Show.

The Colbert Report recently blasted the U.S. baseball team's failure to advance in the recently concluded World Baseball Classic. Part of the U.S. meltdown was losing to Team Canada, which beat the U.S. 8-6.

It was Baltimore Orioles pitching prospect Adam Loewen who shut out the U.S. for more than three innings and helped embarrass the Yankee-dominated starting lineup. Loewen pitched for the Frederick Keys last season, and Colbert highlighted this fact quite humorously toward the end of his bit.

I'll be reporting on the Keys during the 2006 Season as part of my new gig working for The Orioles Hangout. Loewen won't be there in 2006, but you never know who the next Orioles badass may be...

Check out the Colbert Report WBC clip here. (click on the clip marked "Baseball")

Funny stuff.

me in honey

I have to give a shout out to C and her money blog, Scatter o' Light, especially after posting about my favorite band, R.E.M.

First Day in AC, meeting up with the man Fern-Dog

by Whitney

originally posted February 10, 2006

Day 3 didn't really start or end, since I did not go to freaking bed on Sat. night. As I was saying in the previous entry, Ian and I came back to campus around 3 am, with Ian aching for immense ass. After a couple of phone calls to make sure Ian wasn't missing out on supreme ass, we called it a night and cuddled in each other's arms.

As I mentioned previously, I had a train to catch around 6 am and had to make sure I made my informal appointment with Pokerwire. Therefore, I wasn't taking any chances if I missed the first train. I would still have plenty of time to take the next one, anticipating my lack of real-world skills in purchasing a train ticket (do not laugh assholes).

Well I basically could not go to sleep and once 5 am rolled out and I just packed my bags and shipped the eff out of there. Sunday was the first day of the WPT Borgata Event and I was ready to go talk to my possible future co-workers with NO sleep. I might as well have been high.

I got into AC around 8 am and took the Jitney to the Borgata. As I took my first step into the casino, I serendipitiously got a phone call from Fernando who wanted to meet up. I've met Fern before almost 3 years ago when I was 19 (damn) and it was good to meet him on a more personal level after getting to know him through our blog-communication. His friend Jay and him were up all night partying and just kept egging me on to put my name down and start playing cards. I was in no condition ready to play and had an appointment in a couple hours. We watched a short handed $500-$1,000 limit hold 'em game which is just sick.

Around 11 am, I went upstairs to the tournament section and was ready to scope out some pros. This is honestly an exciting moment for a fanboy. If you watch the NBA, you can attend the game in the nosebleed section but never get a chance to talk to the stars, introduce yourself, and make conversation. Poker is entering a transition phase of hitting big-time (well it may currently be considered big-time but we really don't know if this is the peak) as yesterday's big-time pros are now today's stars who are in the midst of the celebrity adjustment, or already adjusted (see Phil Hellmuth). Therefore, most aren't really accustomed to acting as celebrities because they've been playing poker for so long without being recognized. Now with with the advent of television, they are "minor" celebrities as Barry Greenstein would say and really just normal people who don't mind all the attention (see Danny Negreanu).

So as I was awaiting near the escalators I wondered who was gonna show up? Who was gonna be the first big tv pro I'll ever see? Who am I going to get a picture with? Who along with Evelyn Ng will I bone ragged? Only time will tell. Sooner or later, I see Dwilli (David Williams) walk by , say 'hi' to some people, and talk to Stevie Dannenmann. I was kind of awe-struck because I've seen them on TV numerous times and they are the World Series Runner-Ups. But one was just really a college student and the other a CPA before their poker fame. All of a sudden I hear someone yell a joke in a hallway and it was Daniel Negreanu. I saw Barry Greenstein stroll through toward the tournament room with his book in hand, looking extremely miserable. As I entered the tournament room, I turn around and see Scotty Nguyen yell some jibberish with "baby" and a short Danny DeVito looking character, who was Freddy Deeb himself.

As I saw the tournament participants file in I see this lanky black guy in the corner of my eye. Phil Ivey walks in nonchalantly with that intense stare that I guess never leaves the poker table. Some of the interesting tables I watched were Juan Carlos Mortenson the 2001 WSOP Champ and Ted Forrest. Ted Forrest was falling asleep in between hands and may have the shittest looking clothes for someone who plays 4k-8k poker. He probably never buys new clothes or changes into them. Another table had Eric Seidel, Paul "The Truth" Darden, and Nick Schulman, a 21 year old WPT champion. I found it particularly exciting to see these pros in person, but watching live poker without seeing their hole cards was extremely boring.

I briefly met with Pokerwire who were busy since the tournament started. Apparently the tournament started at 11 pm and not noon. As a result, I caught them at a bad time. I believe they've already given me the axe, as they stated they can't pay for my relocation. Perhaps I came off as an extreme toolbag and now they don't want to hurt my feelings making up the relocating issue as an excuse. I really think I'm eternally fucked in life. The owner is getting married to Andy Bloch and her uncle is Howard Lederer, which means she is also family to Annie Duke. Those are some pretty goddamn good connections.

Barry and Phil Ivey were playing on opposing tables. After an hour of play Phil Ivey was missing and I thought he already busted out and wanted go to shoot craps, which apparently he did the night before, winning +1.3 million. It ended up he doubled up early, and then went to go take a nap. I saw him come back later in the day to play. Also, as I watched Barry play poker , he might have induced the most pity I have ever given to a person. He would look at this hole cards, yawn, contort his face in some painful grimace and then put them in the muck. The guy seriously just looked miserable. Goddamn, BG get some sleep.

In afternoon play, I saw Danny get up from his table and leave. Then a hound of fans surrounded him to get his autograph and picture. So I joined in and he was really cool about it.

Me: I guess I'm gonna have to read how you busted out in your blog.
Danny: Yeah I just busted out (in that kind of humorous sarcastic tone that I'm signing autographs and taking pictures after i busted out, and it's not wrong at all to ask me since I'm supposed to be pissed off).

Danny seems just like an overall good, happy guy that is not full of himself. He is a great ambassador to poker and seems to always treat fans well.

Once dinner break rolled around, I felt like I had to brighten up Barry's day because he still looked miserable. So I stopped him while he was leaving the poker room.

As you can see he didn't really cheer up much. I gave him the "I hope you win" bs he probably always gets. He puts out his hand saying, "Take Care" as he was looking toward the door without eye contact. It was honestly the best, "I don't give a damn, but I will perfunctorily offer a handshake to not appear a dick," Barry look. I think Barry is my favorite player. You're my boy Barry!

As I left the poker room about to take the escalators down to the casino, I ran into another character. My boy Scotty Nguyen!! Dats No limit baby!!

Scotty is also another great guy who will always take time to say 'hi' to the fans. Plus he's always got his bling bling, a beer in one hand, and his 20 year old hottie in the other. He always seems to be in a good mood, cracking some joke, and ending it in "that's right baby." Frequently during the tournament, I would think he busted out because he was leaving the poker room, and with his arm around his hottie mistress. But then he just rolls back in, with his hottie mistress in hand of course. I honestly think wherever he goes he needs his hottie to come with him.

"Hey baby, I'm going to the bathroom, let's go baby."
Goddamn Scotty you are so pimp. That's right baby!!

Finally that night, I headed to the poker room and put myself on the 2/4 list because I did not want to challenge myself and was extremely sleep deprived. Interestingly, some WPT crew sat down at my table : a WPT cameraman and the WPT PR girl, who was hot. God, it sucked because I was at the other end of the table, and when a seat opened by her I didn't want to appear like OH I'll sit next to you and maybe get my jimmy rocked. I for one will say that, even though they work in poker, that does not make them good card players. But I really shouldn't expect anyone good to sit down at 2/4. As the early morning approached, I still had no place to stay as my head was pulsatingly begging for sleep.

Where the fuck was I going to sleep?

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