Badass of the week: Julio Franco

Something which I forgot to mention which caught my eye recently: Julio Franco of the New York Mets hit a home run in a 5-3 victory over the Arizona Diamonbacks on May 4th. Now, normally someone hitting am opposite-field dinger isn't a big deal, but Franco became the oldest player in major league history to hit a home run - at 48 years, 8 months, and 12 days. Basically, the guy is 50 years old and he's still good enough to make a major league roster and hit bombs. The dude could easily be my dad.

Big Julio was born in 1958, in the midst of the early stages of the Cold War. Dwight Eisenhower was president of the United States, and in Cuba, a young, brash Fidel Castro was busy pissing off his neighbors to the north. NASA was yet to put a man in space, and the world's population was less than 3 billion, less than half the current population.

Over 15,000 players have played the great sport of baseball, and Julio Franco is the oldest of them all to hit a home run. Needless to say, Franco's accomplishment deserves some applause.

Greg Oden the man-child

How in the hell is this guy a teenager?? Image courtesy of a hilarious caption from The Onion. (Greg Oden On Final Four Appearance: 'I'm Happier Than I've Been In 30 Years')

MP3: Neil Young - "Old Man"

Congrats Cal Ripken: Hall of Fame-bound

Congratulations to Cal Ripken, Jr. - one of the Baltimore Orioles greats - as he has been voted into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. He is the 12th Oriole to be inducted into the Hall.

Cal received 98.5% of the vote, which is a record for a position player and quite an accomplishment considering a lot of baseball writers who cast ballots refuse to vote for players for reasons having nothing to due with the player's merits. One sportswriter submitted a blank ballot because he lumped Ripken and fellow inductee Tony Gwynn in with "the Steroids Era", and the writer refused to vote for anyone until more is known about steroids. Other writers (otherwise known as assclowns) just don't vote for any players on their first ballot out of principle.

A well deserved honor for one of the games best shortstops and a Baltimore icon.

ESPN link

Baseball's biggest waste of money

The Yankees and their $200 million payroll were sent home yesterday by the Detroit Tigers. It was priceless seeing the dejected looks of all the Yankee players towards the end of the game. George Steinbrenner will surely go nuts after this latest collapse, with Joe Torre apparently the first to go.

NBA Champs

"i clearly don't belong anywhere near here," says a hideously out of place Jason Williams (cracker in the lower left corner) surrounded by other players who actually made meaningful contributions to Miami's title run.

Congrats to the Miami Heat for winning the NBA Championship in 6 games over the Dallas Mavericks.

This fourth ring vindicates Shaquille O'Neal, who has brought home the championship he promised Miami fans two years ago when he arrived to the Heat from the Lakers. This further makes Kobe Bryant - one of my most hated sports figures - look bad, since the Lakers have gone downhill ever since the Big Aristotle bolted for greener pastures.

Sports Morons of the Week

Who pulled the dumber stunt: Ben Roethlisberger almost killing himself in a motorcycle crash, or J.J. Redick getting arrested for a DWI just weeks before his biggest payday in the NBA Draft?

let's go USA

Update: 3-0 loss in the opener to the Czech Republic as the U.S. looks bad. Ouch.

gearing up for the World Cup

The greatest sporting event in the world is set to begin tomorrow, June 9.

The U.S. team, faced with a tough draw but fielding perhaps its best team ever, will open against the Czech Republic. (ESPN preview)

The issue for the U.S. is that historically they have never fared well in Europe. Here's to a good showing for the American squad.

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My only problem with soccer players is that they can be a little too flamboyant. Too much acting and crying after fouls, and too many pretty boys, such as some of the dudes below.

I figured I would get in the World Cup flow by analyzing some of the more ridiculous hair cuts in recent soccer history, focusing on several prominent players who rock long hair, often to disastrous effect.

Long hair is certainly a gamble for any heterosexual male. For soccer players, nothing looks worse than getting beat by a striker when you're a fullback or whiffing on an easy chance as a scorer, except for when you do it with stupid looking hair. It takes a certain talent to pull off the look without coming off as a pansy - you have to be a badass or suffer the consequences. The sport of soccer has provided many overly confident dudes who have been more than willing to give it a shot.

Here are some of my favorites and commentary:

David Beckham

Ah, Becks. You have to start off with one of the most recognizable sports figures and celebrities in the entire world. Females everywhere worship this man and his various haircuts. As a soccer player, he is vastly overrated, despite his sick left foot on set plays.

With that being said, Beckham is guilty of showcasing some of the most awful looking hair you'll ever see. I've never understood why this guy doesn't leave his bitchy Spice Girl wife when he's in the prime of his life and could hit any one of what must be a billion hotter hotties, but to each his own.

final analysis of the hair: UNCOOL

Francesco Totti

Totti is a badass. One of the best players in the world, Totti easily pulls off the long-haired look. I would love to be this guy. Exhibit A is just below, as Totti seduces the ladies with ease. Normally Italian soccer players are too full of themselves for their own good, but Totti backs everything up with stellar play and goals. Don't mess with Totti.

final analysis of the hair: VERY COOL

Alexi Lalas

I'm torn on this one. A posterboy for U.S. and MLS soccer in the mid-nineties, Lalas was easily found by looking for his freakishly orange and disheveled hair and absurd goatee. Lalas was on the Best Damn Sports Show Period a couple nights ago, and the funny thing is, he looks completely normal and respectable cleanly shaven and with short hair.

In the end, I have to give the guy props for making himself look like a clown and still managing to play decently.

final analysis of the hair: COOL (beard seals it)

Marcelo Balboa

Every time I see Balboa commentating on ESPN2, I cringe. He looked bad enough in 1994 when the U.S. team overachieved in the World Cup, but you would think 10 years later, after retiring, that he would take a clue from his teammate Alexi and get rid of the ridiculous hair. Doesn't he have a daughter that loves him? What about shame? The sport will not be taken seriously in this country until this clown finally gets a haircut.

final analysis of the hair: VERY UNCOOL

Carlos Valderrama

The Clown Prince of Soccer. The 90's sure featured alot of long-locked futbol players. This Ronald-McDonald-on-crack looking dude was always the center of attention thanks to his ridiculous fro masterpiece. Anybody that risks potentially damning their family names for centuries deserves some credit for the gall. Props to this eccentric Colombian.

final analysis of the hair: CIRCUS FREAK SHOW COOL

Jeff Agoos

Fuck you, Jeff Agoos. Another older player retired from the ranks, Agoos came off looking like a Steven Seagal clone, except whereas Seagal could kick a lot of ass when you get down to it, Agoos kicks NO ONE'S ass, especially in the 2002 World Cup during which he almost single-handedly led to the destruction of the U.S. defense. He would let attackers beat him and get past him almost as easily as the joke of a French Army allowed the German Blitzkreig to storm Paris in World War II. I would get so mad at this guy watching him cost my team, and his stupid looking hair did nothing but make me more furious.

final analysis of the hair: OFFENSIVELY UNCOOL

World Cup

more to come...

The Top 11 Tennis Hotties

by Whitney

Welcome to a special post in light of the new year. We (FJDelgado and Whitney) have decided to collaborate to offer an accurate ranking of tennis females who grunt and split their way to masturbatory stardom. The criteria is composed of a variety of factors of beauty, body, brains, boobies, and tennis skill. Please sit back, grab a tissue, and enjoy the view.

#11. Karolina Sprem
We played anagrams with her name and came to the revelation that when you switch the "r" and the "e" you get the best name in tennis.

T#10. Jennifer Capriati and Amanda Coetzer
We grouped these 2 retired tennis stars because they are still boneable. JCap was the Drew Barrymore of tennis. She came out strong as as teenager and then snorted enough coke to kill a whole kindergarten class. But, all of a sudden she rose out of oblivion, stopped eating Ho-Hos and became the Comeback Kid. You would think JCap's burly arms would make us abstain in fright, but we, in fact, don't mind a girl who can spank...........the hell out of the tennis ball.

Amanda Coetzer was known as the one of the best counterpunchers on the circuit. She was like a little dust buster bunny at a dimunitive 5 feet that would not give up. I give her where credit is due: her stamina.










#9. Daniela Hantuchova
She suffered the Anna Kournikova syndrome. She started winning, people thought she was hot, and then started losing. Despite the fact she needs a couple Big Macs in her, with a cute face, long legs, daddy puts you in the at #9.

Hmm..yes we also agree, Daniela, you are a hottie

#8. Tatiana Golovin This young woman (1988! SHIT!) brings a new meaning to the low rider. She does not fuck around when it comes to sagging her shorts.

Question of the Day: Where does the tennis ball go? Seriously.. ...imagine throwing a hot dog in a hallway....now take the exact opposite.




#7. Ashley Harkleroad
Unfortunately American Ashley faded from the tennis scene. She is probably working at Panera bread as far as we know it. In her heyday, she was infamous for her extremely loud grunting and risque tennis-ware, pushing the bar as far as possible in terms of nudity. We give her #7 because we think that loud grunting has other applications off the court...

Damn Ashley you are a cutie. Now go make me a BLT sandwich. **Correction** she is still currently on the tour playing, so I overestimated the longevity of her career. I apologize for this mistake, but that doesn't mean you're off the hook with the BLT.


#6. Serena Williams
Much to most people's disgust we have placed a William sister on our hot list. After she got Punk'd, we immediately fell in love with her. She has something alluring with that sweet charming personality, which we believe mostly stems from those gnimorous buttocks. She probably pays exorbitant property tax on that fine piece of real estate. You keep on fighting the good fight, Serena

I think someone gave JLo run for her money. Anyone who can play tennis with that type of padding in a catsuit deserves some kind of props. *Warning: Spanking that baby will apparently cause the next biggest earthquake.

Fernando will round up the top 5 in a later post. Sorry to give you guys blue balls. Stay tuned.

More blogs about hotties.

Brian Roberts update, B.J. Ryan likely gone, Jim Beattie incompetent

It's official. Brian Roberts will be having Tommy John surgery, which is bad news no matter how you look at it. After seriously tearing ligaments and dislocating his elbow against the Yankees on Sept. 20, Roberts saw his breakthrough season end and a nightmare season for the Orioles continued its hellish descent.

While there have been several success and comeback stories for players undergoing the procedure, most of them pitchers, it will be interesting to see not only how long it takes for Roberts to recover, but also how effective he will be upon his return. There's a good chance that Roberts will never be the same player that he was for a majority of the 2005 season, during which he established himself as baseball's best overall second baseman, offensively behind only Alfonso Soriano. Here's to a quick and complete recovery.

In other news, co-GM Jim Beattie today made known on 1300 AM WJFK that the Orioles need serious upgrades at several positions, blasted Eric Byrnes as a disappointment, and revealed that the team tried to re-sign B.J. Ryan last offseason, but failed. Talk about stating the obvious. Beattie, who is known to be as good as fired around all of baseball, should take all the blame he's been getting and more for the O's collapse this season, and I'll be glad to see him go, more because a change will give us a fighting chance for improvement. His favorite transaction seemed to always be the non-move, preferring to wait and ultimately do nothing.

The revelation that Ryan couldn't be signed last season reveals much. First, it says that the Orioles recognized Ryan was a talented commodity. Also, it unfortunately implies that: 1. Ryan will be looking for a big contract, which he deserves. 2. The Orioles will not be willing to offer a lucrative contract in order to retain him. This could be a disaster, because if the Orioles fail to re-sign Ryan, I guarantee that the Boston Red Sox will. They are in sore need of a closer, and they would much rather have Mike Timlin setting up games in the seventh and eighth innings. This would create the dreaded scenario of losing a dominant player to a divisional rival, and the team would potentially face a former teammate shutting the door on them several times next season.

Back to Beattie. I'll always remember him for saying "We don't want to make a move just for the sake of making a move." Well, maybe he should have tried that a little more, rather than failing the team when additions needed to be made at the trading deadline this past July. The overachieving and thin Orioles could have saved their season with more pitching and a decent outfielder, maybe not ultimately competing for the postseason, but if anything finishing above .500 for the first time since 1997. The bottom line is that Beattie's mentality and philosophy was ill-taylored for a front office where everything has to be approved by a egomaniacal (not to mention inept in the knowledge of baseball operations) owner in Peter Angelos. Maybe Beattie could never have succeeded in Baltimore, but the time for change is now, and the sooner the better.

Jorge Julio

The following is a post I made to Orioles Hangout regarding Jorge Julio, the Oriole I despise the most (Sammy Sosa would take that honor usually but there's no way he's coming back after this year, and, when we signed him, I accepted the probability his career was already over and he would be awful for us).

check out a funny, facetious page referring to Julio's antics

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I rarely post, but I'm the typical long time lurker. I just have to throw in my 2 cents on Julio, if only for the therapeutic value of venting on perhaps one of the most frustrating and angering players I've ever encountered in my 15+ years as a serious Orioles fan (Luis Polonia, Deivi Cruz, Armando Benitez, Sammy Sosa, Jimmy Haynes, Glenn Davis, Manny Alexander, Jim Traber, Juan Bell, Mike Timlin, etc. don't even come close).

First, in terms of injuries as an excuse, I refuse to buy it. At best it might explain some of his struggles, at worst it's a lame cop out used by numerous players after repeatedly failing and putting up subpar numbers. It's one thing for rumblings to surface of injury to Miguel Tejada and to some extent Melvin Mora, who still put up solid averages and more than productive offensive numbers (especially in the case of Tejada), but it's quite another for a pitcher who has NEVER displayed consistency and has frequently gone through stretches of implosion where he will single-handedly cost the Orioles games. There is no Oriole pitcher in recent memory who has come into games with two, three and even four run leads and almost methodically gone on to put several runners on via the walk, followed by the inevitable 2 or 3-run homer. It's almost as if it's scripted.

Many O's fans will recall Armando Benitez and his eerily similar struggles; both players threw hard fastballs and sliders (comprising their entire repertiore in their early careers), and both were prone to erratic stretches where they gave up leads in important games. Both seemed to have mental issues which got in the way of the obvious talent they failed to completely harness.

But Benitez went on to have quite a dominant career as a closer in the NL. Meanwhile, we've given Julio several years worth of chances for redemption and evaluation for the incompetent front offices and management of the past several years. He's proven that he can't handle his reponsibilities, that he will always be immature (constantly turning around to see if his fastball reached 100 MPH rather than worrying about anything closely team-related), and his talent will continue to remain unfulfilled and the perceptions of it misplaced. Perhaps he will go on to find success later in his career, but I for one hope it is not with the Orioles.

Julio needs a chance of scenery, and the Orioles will be much better off for it. I've shouted so many obscenities and words of profane defeat after watching Julio blow games that I can't take it anymore. I've done so watching him fail in every role, closing games because he was the Orioles closer, closing games because our #1 closer had worked the previous three games, pitching the 8th as the set-up man because he blew so many saves as the closer, pitching in the 8th because it was his job from the beginning of the season, pitching in the 7th down 5 runs because he was so bad in every situation he pitched before and he was in such a slump that there was nowehere else for his baffled manager to put him.

We've already squandered so many chances for a trade, but let's at least not compound our errors by making this clown a part of our long term plans. So long Jorge Julio, we knew ye well and we are worse off because of it.